Obviously, one of the greatest fears I have is being outed as a cross-dresser to family, friends, co-workers etc. That is the main theme of this blog, being a cross-dresser and hidden away in the closet. Like it or not, that is the world of Valerie South.
So you could understand the intense shock I had when I recently received this text from a family member:
“Word is you are coming out TG”
I froze in my tracks and felt a sense of fear unlike anything I had felt in a long, long time. What happened? Who said what? How could this happen? I was truly in shock and didn’t know how I should respond to this text. Do I respond at all? Do I act like I have no idea what they are talking about? My world was spinning as though I had just found out I had lost my job or someone was in an accident. I truly didn’t know how to respond.
After a few hours, I thought I had to respond in some fashion. Ignoring it would only get me by temporarily. I needed to find out who may have heard me say something or may have seen something I left out. Somehow I must have blown it.
Then it occurred to me that the only person who could have spread the “word” about me being a cross-dresser would be my wife, and that just didn’t make sense. She is the one who most wants us to keep that secret between us. Maybe she is the one who slipped up and let it out accidentally. I thought maybe I should ask her if she knew what was going on. I dreaded that idea, because if she had not been aware, then she would likely be in a state of shock upon hearing this also. This could quickly spiral out of control.
At this point I was literally shaking.
After a few minutes during which I contemplated taking up smoking, I began to wonder if this could end up being a good thing. Maybe my wife and this person had discussed this and they were now part of the “privileged few” who knew of Valerie. That sort of panicked me a little also… would they want to meet Valerie? Following along this train of thought, I began to wonder if there might have been a reason for my wife to open up to this family member about me. Was she no longer able to keep this bottled up, or did something happen to make my wife reveal some incredibly personal things about us?
The unknown was truly daunting.
The one good thing about receiving this text message from this particular person is that they are absolutely the most liberal person I know. If anyone would be accepting of Valerie, it would be this person. No doubt about it. It was a small point of solace, but at this point I needed any I could get.
I couldn’t bring myself to respond and no further texts came from this person. I also didn’t say a word to my wife when I saw her later in the day. Maybe if I just ignored the text and stuck my head in the sand, the whole thing would just go away. Since this had become my grand (weak) plan, I then deleted the text like I had never received it.
Two days went by and I heard nothing from anyone. I was still worried about it, but not nearly in the panic I was on day one. It was in the back of my mind, and I still thought about it every few hours. At this point I decided to let whatever happens happen… Que sera, sera, as I like to say.
Then it did happen, the very next day. In the middle of a grocery store I see this person standing at the end of the aisle. Too late, they had already seen me and were walking straight towards me. Looked like I finally would have to pull my head out of the sand, fix my hair and makeup, and face the music!
Here’s how it went down:
Them: “Hey, you never answered my text!”
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I never saw it”
Them: “ Suuuuuure you didn’t…”
Me: “My phone has been acting up lately” (nervous laugh)
Them: “That’s OK, I was just commenting we would be seeing each other soon for Thanksgiving.”
At this point, I swear I may have heard some angels singing “Hallelujah”. I’ll bet the sigh of relief I let out probably made this person wonder what the heck was wrong with me. But I didn’t care, I was not “outed” after all.
TG… Thanksgiving… damn texting abbreviations! Almost gave me a heart attack. Not to mention if I had said something in response, I could have totally outed myself for no reason. Whhhhheeeeeeewwwww!
With that catastrophe averted, I could return myself to the solitude of the closet. However, I will honestly admit the idea of having another accepting person in Valerie’s life was not unpleasant.
So anyway, whether or not you celebrate it where you are, Happy Thanksgiving! That’s THANKSGIVING… not TG.