In a typical day for me, a flurry of random thoughts go through my mind almost constantly. You may be familiar with the term “scatter-brained” and more often than not, that is me. When I need to focus on work or some other important issue, I am usually able to turn it all off and tackle the matters at hand. However, when I let my mind wander it definitely goes all over the place. Easily 95% of these random thoughts are cross-dressing related, especially in the fall/winter when Valerie is ever present.
I watched my dog the other day, as she in turn was watching our cat eating some chicken my wife had given her. The dog really wanted that chicken, but knew she couldn’t just go run in and take it. She looked at me as if begging for me to tell her it was OK to take the chicken away from that stupid cat. I never gave the approval so the dog turned its attention back to the cat and let out a little whimper of disappointment and jealousy. After the cat had finished the treat and wandered off for a bath or a nap, the dog walked up to the bowl and sniffed for any scraps left over. You could see the look of hurt and wanting in her eyes. Just then my wife said to the dog, “would you like a little snack also?” and the dog started jumping around in excitement because she so badly wanted some chicken too. With her tail-a-waggin’, the dog forgot all the worries previous, and ate the chicken at a ridiculously fast pace. When she had finished, I noticed the look in her eye was pure joy and you could tell she wanted more, more, MORE!
I’m sure you know where this is going. As soon as it was over I thought that’s exactly how I feel about cross-dressing. I sit there watching the “cats” as they do their make-up and wear the pretty clothes, wishing I could get the permission from society to run in and share in the “chicken”. When the situation presents itself where I can get some time to be Valerie, or like recently when my wife helped me to go out, then the look in my eyes and soul becomes one of pure joy and I find myself wanting more, more, MORE!
Anyway, while the dog story is an appropriate metaphor for Valerie’s existence, that really wasn’t the only topic I sat down to write about today. What I intended to discuss was a few simple thoughts/situations I have had recently, but that individually didn’t seem to have enough substance for a full blogging (like the dog story). So I have begun call these “Valerie fragments”, at least that’s the name of the file I stuck the idea in. Anyway, here are a few more:
NOT SO BROKEN
I am not as broken as I once thought. By that I mean, I have long held the view that something has always been wrong with me, that somewhere along the line some wires got crossed and made me transgender. Along with that mindset, I always viewed it as my problem. After spending a year on the blogging circuit I no longer feel that way. While I still feel different, I don’t feel “broken”. I have many of you to thank for that, so thank you.
I MET BOB
Last week I had a meeting at work with an organization we often partner with. They brought along a new team member who was named “Bob”. I couldn’t help but think that he must be transgender since I am meeting “Bob”, and many of you U.K. Girls often refer to this “Bob”. I scanned him over completely for any clues and really found nothing. Seems like a typical guy, but I so wanted to find one shred of evidence that would prove me right. Oh well, apparently not all “Bobs” have another side of their personality. Hopefully he (or anyone else in the room) didn’t notice me visually over-inspecting him.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO?
I am seriously thinking of expanding Valerie’s horizons a bit more in the future. One step I may take is contacting and joining a support group… sort of moving up to the next size closet. One of the (many) reasons I have not done so before is I thought it would feel odd just sitting in a room or gathering with several men dressed like women, or with transgender women presenting as their true selves. So what do you do when you go to these meetings? It’s not just unstructured, casual talk is it? If so, I’m not sure I could handle that on my own. So tell me girls, what do you do?
I typically do most of my WordPress work on my laptop. Recently I have been accessing WordPress through the mobile app and viewing and commenting via my phone. It certainly is more convenient but I have “fat-fingering” problem. Touch the wrong part of the screen and I am liking or following comments and blogs I never meant to. The reverse is also true… I scroll through the reader at the multitude of blogs I follow and have inadvertently unfollowed blogs I never meant to remove. When I realize I haven’t seen a posting in a quite awhile, I check and see I am no longer following. Frustrating! So if you’re a blogger and you see notification that I am again following you, this is why. Sorry! I’m sure I have lost some that I can’t remember, but I’ll eventually find them again.
WE’RE A PROLIFIC BUNCH
Speaking of the multitude of blogs I follow. I am amazed at how quickly I can get behind in reading the various posts. TG or other, we bloggers obviously have a lot on our minds. I suppose that is what we are supposed to do. But being that I have limited access time (it’s a closet thing), I sometimes can’t get back in to read all the wonderful posts and then POOF, there’s 25 of them. I love reading the various blogs, so it’s a wonderful problem to have.
VALERIE NEEDS A MIDDLE NAME
As I was filling out a form in my male life (aka, “Bob’s world… thanks UK girls!), I had to fill in my middle name. When I was finished I thought about the fact that Valerie South has no middle name, and she needs one. So I am considering a few, but want one that both appeals to me and rolls off the tongue well. I considered both June and Grace for obvious reasons, but they just don’t feel altogether right. Since I have the luxury of picking my own and am in no hurry, I will probably spend countless hours thinking about it. For some reason Ann seems to sound good, but I have no personal attachment to the name. If there was a strong 1950s connection to it, I would go with it. But again… I’m in no hurry since Valerie has no forms that need filling out at the moment.
So there you go. A whole bunch of useless thoughts finally expelled from my mind and now out saturating the internet. I have many more, but in an effort to be somewhat merciful to all three readers, I’ll stop here for now. There will definitely be another “Valerie Fragments” post sometime in the future.