Where’ve you been? or… Valerie’s home

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It’s a common, age-old story we have heard countless times before… A young boy grows up taking advantage of any opportunity to do his makeup and hair oh so pretty, and put on his favorite dress and patent leather heels, with all the accessories. What male does not experience this fascination with, and proclivity towards all things feminine?

Well, apparently the vast majority of males do not, but I certainly do and have done so for as long as I can remember. And for the last two days I have had my first opportunity in several months to become 100% completely Valerie and it was Oh. So. Wonderful!

Body hair gone again, fingernails and toenails bright red, makeup done to perfection (standards vary), hair looking fine, foundation garments doing their jobs, petticoats providing to necessary poofiness, dress looking so classy and vintage, accessories adding their detailed allure (pearls wherever possible), and a pair of heels that provide that final thrust into an unavoidable swish.

I find myself in such an intoxicating state of mind that I wish I could just live the rest of my life this way. It just makes me feel so good, both mentally and physically, and dare I say it… it makes me feel complete. Yes, I said it.

In truth, I don’t think I could function in life being Valerie all the time. When I am Valerie I don’t think about the burdens of everyday life. I just want to focus on the extreme feeling of being whole. I have said before, and I will say again now… I wish everyone could experience the absolute peace that I do when dressed as Valerie. I need to do this more. So now the femme season is here in all its glory. Everyone knows this is my favorite time of year and my mile-wide smile proves it.

I spent the first day completing what I will call the “Bob” elimination procedures. All those tasks that are more considered the maintenance of a cross-dressing persona. You know, all the not so glamorous tasks… body hair removal (quite a task after 9+ months), laundering some Valerie items that have been in storage for awhile, painting toe -nails, brushing out and styling my favorite wig, etc, etc. These are all the things I want, well need out of the way so that day two has more time dedicated to just being Valerie.

On day two I woke early and waited patiently (yeah, right) as each one of my family prepared themselves and went out into the world. Once I had the house to myself, I was on it! Showered, shaved, and suitably perfumed, I went about meticulously doing my makeup. Unlike many women, I absolutely love the process of applying my makeup. It is as enjoyable as being totally femme and dressed. I spend far too long on it and treasure every second of it. It is like a painstaking archaeological exploration wherein Valerie first begins to show through in my face. Once I was done with makeup I just stood and looked in the mirror and admired the look. I could only smile and think “I am only just getting started!”

So off to select my outfit I went. I have a closet of dresses and skirts that are all adorable and all clothes I could not bear to lose. So I looked at them all one by one, and then went to build the body foundation… bra, panties, stockings, shaper, padding, slip, and of course petticoat. Even at this point in dressing, I was already in heaven. When it came time to finally pick my outfit, like a creature of habit I selected the same black dress I have worn the last three times Valerie came to visit. I can’t help myself, it is just so perfectly me. So then came the pearls, rings, bracelets, earrings, fingernails, and finally the wig. Valerie was physically back and I could have cried. Not sure why, that’s not a feeling I have ever had before upon getting dressed, but I could have literally sat down a just had a good cry. I stopped myself before ruining my makeup.

So I selected a good purse and found Valerie’s coat and I went down into the house to surprise the animals. No real reaction this year, I think they know who I am pretty well anymore. Just a little tail wag and back to sleep they went. I went about doing various nothings throughout the day, just enjoying the circumstances. I was less cautious around some of the open windows (less caring) and didn’t bother planning an “escape route” in case some one came home or a visitor popped in. It was a true que sera, sera day.

After several hours I decided I needed to try on a few different outfits to see how they fit still, and to try on a new skirt I had yet to wear. So like a little girl playing dress-up, I ended up dressing in several different outfits, remembering why I loved each one so much. What I noticed is that not a single outfit is what I would call a “blending in outfit”. So much more to do on that quest!

The new skirt is one I just recently bought while trying to find some suitable blending in outfits. I have been searching for some acceptable everyday outfits, but find they are just not Valerie. I am getting better, but there is such a distinct Valerie style that I have to force myself to look at clothes outside my comfort zone. The new skirt itself is still far from a blend in garment, but it was so Valerie I just had to have it. Now I am forced to buy a cropped cardigan and top, and the perfect heels to go with it. There’s no petti needed for it, but it still screams Valerie (as well as a few other things according to my wife). I’m mean, how can any girl not buy this???

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Roll your eyes if you must, but we all know this close to perfection in the form of a skirt!

So I tried it on with a few tops and just love it. Cant wait to wear it with the complete outfit put together. That will likely happen after the first of the year. Not because I don’t want to wear it yet, or that I don’t have the perfect top… it just so happens that the damn thing is just a little too small. So I have resigned myself to losing the extra “Bob” and fitting into the skirt by February. It’s a perfect motivational reward (and also allows me time to find the top and heels).

Speaking of new things, my wife received a purse as a gift from a very good friend this last week. Now my tastes in purses (much like my tastes in clothes) tends to differ from my wife’s immensely, but not this time. She loved it and so did I. She received a purple (if not slightly electric blue) Coach purse that had to have cost a pretty penny!

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My wife’s new purse.

I liked it so much that I told her I was envious of her new treasure, which caused her to cradle it close and say “this is mine, got it?”. Anyway, I am happy for her good fortune, and I will leave it alone. Unfortunately, I can guarantee that no friend of mine will be giving me a lovely purse anytime soon. Maybe in one of my frequent dreams…

Anyway, this has been another posting big on words, but small on content. I just wanted to express my absolute joy of getting back in full feminine form I and am looking forward to many repeats over the next few months.

And I wondered for the first time whether ‘feeling feminine’ just meant feeling good in your own skin.” – I.W. Gregorio, None of the Above

-ValS

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13 thoughts on “Where’ve you been? or… Valerie’s home

  1. Whoa!! I really do love that skirt. You are however so right when you say it does not blend in. What I would say, as a special occasion item such as for a posh meal out or at a suitable function it is perfect. Yes the 50s / early 60s hollywood starlet look you and I both love is not a blend in look. Now that I am very much out in public it really was not that heart wrenching to tone my overall look down. I simply selected skirts (I have so few dresses and really prefer skirts and tops) that are up to date and modern but with a hint of the classic era of good style ie the 50s and early 60s. They may still be a tad dressy but I feel not out of place and most certainly convey a lady of a certain style eho will always look her best (I hope) where ever she is. My skirts are always generally complemented by figure hugging tops which help to show off my shape. The petticoats however had to go. For practical reasons such as long term comfort and general ease of walking, heels have dropped to around 2 to 3 inches, which still look good. So Val you do not need to fully forsake your beloved look but simply to adapt it to today. Good luck on this and I look forward to hearing about your adventures out there in the big bad world which is lets face it, is where we really belong.

    The purse, or as we Europeans call it, a handbag, looks like it will take everthing including the kitchen sink. Looks good though. I have a vision of Mrs Val clutching it close to her with a look of ‘I dare you to take this precious item from me. It’s mine you hear mine’

    Nice blog Val.

    • Thanks Michelle! I know I can find things I like that are more of a normal look, without sacrificing the qualities I love. The real issue is me getting distracted by those 50s/60’s items that seem to pull me in… over and over again.
      The purse is not huge, but is a nice size. But yes, Mrs. South made it clear who’s purse it is…
      -ValS

  2. Val,

    I can fully appreciate the sense of peace and pleasure that washes over you at each stage of the transformation process. As each step merges into the next the sense of joy tends to escalate until things just seem right with the world.
    While my wardrobe was growing it seemed that all I bought were dresses and skirts. I have one pants suit that has never seen its way out of the closet. Buying from sources like Lane Bryant and Woman Within the clothes are not completely out of fashion but they do tend to be much dressier than ‘blend in’ clothes. I have come to the realization that at my age, size, etc. that the best I can to is to try to blend but that success in that regard will be limited to non-existant. In dealing with my desire to dress nicely and get out of the house I have made my destinations of choice either T events or meetings or LGBT bars and lounges. Here I have no pressure to try to fool anyone into thinking that I am simply a large cis-woman (although some have wondered and some have even been fooled) but I have found that I can go out and have a good time simply as a nicely dressed oversized man in a dress.
    I greet all with a smile and I do not place any subject off limits. If I hit a karaoke night I will sing in my guy voice. Hanging at the bar my guy voice is fine with me as well. I may be perceived as a bit odd but in this day and age lots of folks are a bit odd.
    My favorite LGBT bar has just changed ownership. I am afraid that the volume level of the music (and I use that word very loosely) may be a bit much for these old ears. I would suggest that if the opportunity presents itself for you to get out that you try the full “Val” look and you go to an LGBT lounge. Try to find with that has the older LGBT crowd if possible.
    Pat

    • I have not ventured into a LGBT lounge and that may end up being the type of place I end up going to. I agree that in such a place the pressure to blend in is not so great, even if the pressure is only in my mind. Finding the appropriate establishment will be the challenge.
      -ValS

  3. Should you consider getting out as Val, and if I am correct have you not already done so, then aim for the world in general and do not restrict yourself to the narrow confines of the Trans or even the LGB venues. For years I attended and still attend my local Trans support group. Today however it is a place to get ready before getting out to greet the world. And a place to catch up with a few friends. I have never been to nor have I any need or desire to go to an LGB or even Trans* night club or bar. Each time Michelle is out there I am mixing with the general population. Do not restrict your horizons.

    • I am not opposed to going into the great big world as Val and would like to end up there at some point. I just might have more confidence with something less stressful initially… sort of easing into it.
      -ValS

  4. You just can’t ignore that peaceful, easy feeling (see what I did there?!). It’s crossed my mind before now that maybe people who are 100% comfortable with their identity simply don’t concern themselves with many of everyday worries in the way we do?
    ‘Blending in’ has its place and I guess I’m pleased to have found it – what I don’t get enough of are opportunities to get dressed up for special occasions where the process can take hours – for both cis- and trans* women! I’m very envious of all the sparkly numbers ans stunning makeup that come out at this time of year for Christmas parties.
    Had to smile at the vision of Mrs Val being ‘protective’ about her new purse – and so lovely the two of you can have those conversations 🙂
    Enjoy the joy!
    R x

    • I used my eagle eyes to spot that, but I can’t tell you why. (kind of a stretch, I know…)
      A special occasion to dress for would be wonderful and I know what you mean about the ‘sparkly numbers’. I think you are correct though, those who are 100% comfortable are the successful ones, but I am simply not 100% at this point. Each step will increase that level and I’ll be pleased with any progress.
      I had to laugh when Mrs. V grabbed her purse up so possessively. Maybe she will let me borrow it one day.
      -ValS

  5. Oh I know I shouldn’t but when I read about the “petticoats providing to necessary poofiness” I burst out laughing. Unintentional, I’m sure, but on this side of the Atlantic “poofiness” is a mildly derogatory word for “gayness”. Like I said, I know I shouldn’t laugh but…
    Anyway, to put a bit of a perhaps unexpected counterpoint to Michelle’s comment, I don’t necessarily think that there’s anything wrong with going to trans* or LGBT venues. I don’t go to them, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think that anyone should go to them. It depends what you want. For me, I just want to be a regular woman, and so I want to just go to places that any other woman would go. Reading between the lines (and on quite a few of them too) I would guess that this is not the case for you. If “Val” is the sort of person who doesn’t want to wear blend-in clothing, but you just want to be able to wear what you want in a wider range of places, maybe that type of venue would be the right place for you. And if that is the case then there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Fundamentally I think it’s about if you want to be perceived as a woman, or if you just want to wear the clothes. Either is fine.

    • Keep laughing Kirsty, you made me laugh when I read your comment. I should have picked up on that and written “petticoats providing to necessary fullness”. I thought about editing it, but then the comments wouldn’t make sense, so I will just live with it, using this as a disclaimer.

      I appreciate your counterpoint. Truth is I don’t know what I want, and probably wont be sure until I give it all a try. I want to go out dressed, but would prefer to be perceived as a woman vs. feeling like I was at a fancy dress party. Even dressed to blend in, I think a LGBT location may be a little less stressful until I feel a little less conspicuous.
      -ValS

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